It seems like I have been posting almost entirely about events and things you can take pictures of, so I want to take this short time I have before dinner to reflect and talk about feelings and.. stuff.
When I first got here, I was not terribly comfortable around my host family. This didn't bother me at all, because I didn't think it was possible for any other way to exist. I didn't expect to ever be completely at ease here, be it because of the language barrier/cultural differences/the fact that I'm more or less subletting a room in their house/what have you. This isn't to say that I wasn't fond of my host family, I just saw it more as a landlord/tenant type of relationship above all else. Due to these preconceived notions, I acted like a tenant and was SUPER polite. Overly polite. Like super, overly, uncomfortably polite. I'm pretty sure I once asked permission to get a cup of water. Really, I was too self-aware, which led to a lot of overly (this word just happens to apply a lot in this situation) enthusiastic laughing and rather creepy half-smiles. If you've ever seen my half-smile, you can imagine the weird vibes that I was accidentally sending their way.
So, obviously this is all leading to me admitting that I was very wrong about the situation. Over the past few weeks I've started to genuinely feel like a part of this family, which is really, really nice to say the least. I even almost forgot to close the bathroom door today (a problem I have that is especially problematic here given that the bathroom is directly in the middle of the house).
I think this is a sign that my communication skills are improving. Being unable to express yourself is extremely frustrating, and since being here I have realized two important things about my personality: 1. In English, I express myself almost entirely in idioms and made-up words and 2. The way I form sentences and speak in general in English is very vague, roundabout, drawn-out, and just kind of weird. Thus, trying to make my personality translate was a rather slow process. Sentences I've tried to express to my host family like: I will surely kill things if the tram doesn't hurry it's worthless caterpillar-looking-like ass up. It moves slower than the speed of raining crazy glue, or: I can't bring myself to care more than zero percent on this day, just don't really translate.
Although I'm still not capable of expressing 100% of what I want to say 100% of the time, it's certainly becoming easier. I imagine once I reach a certain conversational level I'll be able to desecrate the french language as much as I have managed to English.
Anyway, this is all to say that everything is going really well. There is no better feeling on earth than when you notice you have improved in something that previously frustrated you to no end. As for things I've been doing, I'll write up another post on that later (in theory). One thing I will include is that we sang karaoke last night and it was awesomely hysterical/entertaining. Bree and I sung Wonderwall with two french guys, and if that's not hilarious enough just based on the fact that it's the song Wonderwall, just imagine the pronunciation of "wonderwall" in a french accent. Too good.
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